Moment of Truth
by Willblake
Summary: "I watched you die in that ambulance. Did you know that? You know what that's like, watching the life drain out of someone you…someone you care about?" She knows what that feels now...Chapter 6 up.
1. Chapter 1 Prelude

**Chapter One Prelude**

**Set sometime after the leakage of Beckett's secret. This chapter was written between Ep19&20, so it didn't take the course of the show. It includes a long description of Castle's inner activities. 'Cause I think it's somewhat necessary for the later development of the plot.**

**Summary: After Beckett's secret was revealed, Castle made up his mind to keep some distance. But a man knowing something about Beckett's mother's murder found shot to death heralded the inevitable confrontation and the exposure of more secrets. Castle got involved in the murder, putting himself in a life-threatening danger while trying to go on keeping his secret from her. Will the moment of truth bring them closer or tear them apart?**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Castle. Sigh~ What can I do?**

**Please R&R. Your comments will be appreciated. Thx! :)**

* * *

It has been 2 weeks since that heart-breaking moment at the precinct when Castle standing at the other side of the two-way mirror overheard Beckett made her long due confession that she remembered everything. Every second. Her words have been echoing in his mind since then. He has no clue what he feels or what he's gonna do, simply allowing her words to smash his heart into millions of pieces. Such an acute pain, he has never felt before.

Now in the middle of another sleepless night and stuck in a irksome dilemma, Castle swings from leaving the precinct and Beckett behind forever to staying at that pain-stirring place while seeing no glimpse of hope of their future. He laughs at himself and his incomparable foolishness. He used to strongly believe they would always be a part of each other's life, which was the only reason and support for his seemingly endless waiting. But now, who has been fooled?

She said there was a wall in her heart since her mother's murder, indicating she wasn't in the position to accept a real relationship. So he stepped back and gave the space she needed and waited and helped in every possible way to break down the damned wall. Each time seeing her pulchritudinous countenance, her shinning smile and hearing her teasing remarks, he thought he was another step closer to her well-protected heart. So he thought. But all were a mere delusion, nothing but a huge joke.

If she had felt the same way, she would at least have mentioned his confession. If she had felt the same way but had not yet been ready to accept his love before her mother's murderer was put under justice, she would at least have explained it to him. He would understand and, knowing that it's only a matter of time, go on waiting until all the conditions permit. But she said nothing and even worse told him there was a blank in her memory. Why? Because she was too embarrassed to bring it up and was too considerate to hurt his feelings. Ironically, silence was what hurt the most. What a dreadful lie to show objection. She might as well say the simple word "no" out loud.

Sipping from his cup of coffee, he takes the remote of the smart board off the table and lighted the screen on. Her face appears in front of him, smiling one of her most stunning smiles. He can feel the corners of his own lips lifted subliminally, caressing her cheek on the screen with his thumb.

He doesn't realize since when she becomes so indispensable, that if she's downcast, he feels blue the whole day. Maybe since the first time they met when he was complaining about his boring life, or maybe since they closed the first case together and he printed a kiss on her peachy cheek. What will she act upon finding out he has been secretively following her mother's case which he has vowed to drop? Castle is only certain about one thing, when that day comes, they will be over and their friendship, so she calls it, will give way to her hatred.

But he doesn't want her hurt even till now, whatever she regards him as, friend or partner, he is gonna be there for her and protect her from any potential dangers from the shadows of her mother's case. A voice at the back of his mind says in a low and sarcastic voice, "Protect her? Who do think you are? Writer boy! She is a cop and strong enough to take care of herself. She will be cheerful if you stop shadowing her."

"No! It's not like that!" He ejaculates, throwing the remote onto the floor with a thud.

He loves her, even though she lied, even though she didn't and doesn't feel the same, even though he pretends to feel nothing for her any more, even though he took the blonde out for a lunch in Beckett's face and drove the former to the crime scene in his Ferrari, snubbing Beckett deliberately, which in fact stabbed his own heart to bleed.

Castle's train of thoughts is broken by a sudden ring of his phone. For a fleeting moment, he hopes it's Beckett but hesitates at what he'll say and how he'll react. Fortunately, his worries are relived by an unfamiliar number flickering on the screen.

"Castle" He answers with a mixture of feelings, half disappointment and half relief.

There's several seconds of silence at the other end of the line followed by a nervous and heavy respiration.

"Hello, who's that?" He repeats.

"Richard Castle?"

"Yeah, that's me" He's bewildered.

"I have something… that may interest you." The hoarse voice answered, stuttering at his words.

Something in his tone that cannot be named disturbs Castle, sending shivers down his spine. "What? Who's that? What are you getting at?"

"No questions. I… don't have much time. We need to talk."

"Why do I trust you?" Castle raises his voice a little bit.

Another silence reigns. "No need to…it's… it's about Johanna Beckett."

"How do you…"

"See me at the underground parking 3 blocks from your apartment in 2 hours. Better not be late. "

"But…"

"I'm running out of time. Some… someone's after me. " The man, breathing heavily, is literally shouting hysterically right now.

"Sir, listen!" The seriousness of the problem seems to sink in. "Whatever this is about, leave detective Beckett alone. You hear me?"

"No guarantee." And with that, the line's dead, leaving Castle with nothing but a jumble of confused and frightening ideas in his head.


	2. Chapter 2 Heading Nowhere

**Chapter Two Heading Nowhere**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I do own Castle…when I'm daydreaming. **

**So here's the second chapter. From this chapter, the main storyline will be built and the plot unfolded. Comments are appreciated. Plz help me improve. Thx! :) **

* * *

Kate Beckett cannot sleep, thinking nothing but the man slowly slipping away. Castle's different. She can sense that, and even the boys become suspicious. He's still Richard Castle, the writer. But he's being more and more of a Richard Castle, the stranger. She can barely recognize him bereft of the jokes, puns, smart but wacky comments and her usual cups of coffee. Whenever she speaks to him, he responds with those icy cold blue eyes, eyes which used to be full of warmth, care and…love. Something went terribly wrong, but she just didn't realize what on earth she broke subconsciously. So how can she fix it?

Lanie and she had a whole night's talk days ago. The girls' conversation was closed with Lanie's encouragement which is played again and again in her mind.

* * *

"He's pulling away. But I don't know why." Beckett said, depressed, and took a swig from her goblet of wine, feeling the liquid burn its way down her throat.

"Maybe he's just tired. God knows how long our writer boy has been waiting." Lanie shot her a comforting smile, running her hand up and down Beckett's back. "Why don't you simply open your heart and tell him how you really feel?" She paused, and then went on, "You do know that he is crazy about you, huh? This man's shattered when you got shot… though you don't remember much"

"No, Lanie", Beckett swallowed hard, feeling a lump forming in her chest, "I lied. I lied to you all…I remembered everything. The gunshot, the pain, the warmth and hope he instilled into my body… by holding me and… and saying those three words."

"Oh girl!" Lanie was obviously taken by surprise, "You…you remembered? And he actually made a confession?"

Beckett nodded silently.

"Then why? What's the lie for?"

"I am… _was_ not ready. I thought it was merely… an encouragement to make me hang on. I was so afraid to face him after the shot, not sure whether he meant it the way I wanted. I don't wanna lose…what we've had. And with my mother's killer still out at large, how could I settle down in a real relationship? If it's a real one. I…We've never been on the same page, the timing is always wrong." And when she finishes that entire venting thing, she feels a heavy stone removed and plenty of air rush so rapidly into her lungs that it hurts.

"Come here" Lanie leaned over and enclosed Beckett in a tight hug. "Does he know that?"

"No, don't think so."

"You really should grasp the chance, you know, before he's gone forever."

* * *

Beckett did make her decision to confront him the next day, which was not easy but became extremely hard when she saw Castle drive a blonde to the crime scene in his Ferrari.

He had moved on. He was gone.

When finally she mobilized her courage, he jumped to the next page.

After all the memories are replayed and then fade away gradually into a reassuring blur, Beckett at last feels her sleep kick in. But she hasn't at peace for nearly an hour, before the buzz of her phone yanks her out of her rare rest.

"Beckett"

"It's Esposito. Better go now. We've got a vic."

When Beckett arrives at the crime scene, which is at an underground parking, Lanie, Ryan and Esposito have already been there, doing their job.

"Hey, guys. What have we got?" She says as usual, trying to push all her previous thoughts away. To be honest, she does need to work, though that means someone, innocent or not, doesn't get lucky and is paid a visit by the Death. Work keeps her engaged and precludes her from thinking of things and _people_ that she shouldn't think of.

Lanie looks up from the body, "You alright?"

"Yeah, perfectly fine. Why?"

"You look awful."

"Just… just a… lack of sleep. That's all. So?" Beckett flounders, digressing from the topic.

Lanie stares at her friend with suspicion, but decides to let go. "We've got a John Doe. White male. Probably over 40. One shot in the chest by a 38. It's a near shot and fatal. "

"Any idea of the time of death?"

"About 2:30-3:00 this morning. Cannot be sure until I take him back to my lab."

"So it's been over an hour. Who finds the body?"

"Work shift. One of the security guys found it. Poor man's freaked out." Esposito says, writing something down on his pad.

"Where's Castle?" Ryan walks over and asks, but regrets immediately.

"Bro, what's your problem?" Esposito nudges him, whispering.

Beckett, jerked out of her reverie, takes all her efforts to hold back her overwhelming disappointment and tries to sound relaxed. "Call him at this hour? Come on. He'll be at the precinct later in the morning. You find any possessions on our vic?"

"Not many", says Ryan, "Just a wallet, no ID. The money's still in there. So, it's not a robbery. I just talked to the security. Thought the cameras here might catch something. But it turned out they'd been physically destroyed long before the murder."

"Destroyed? How could they be destroyed with no one's realization?"

"Well, I should say, the security men are rather imprudent about their job. They say normally the cameras are just for show, not really working. So nobody's paying attention to whatever happening down here."

"Great, we are going nowhere." Beckett says ironically. "Ryan, I want you to search the surroundings. See what we can find. Esposito, talk to residents in the near community. Ask what peculiar things they've noticed or heard."

"Okay, on it." The boys answer simultaneously.


	3. Chapter 3 Lost and Gone

**Chapter Three Lost and Gone**

**Disclaimer: don't own Castle, as usual~ so, here's the 3rd chapter. :) **

* * *

1 hour ago at the underground parking

Castle just arrived at the parking lot when immediately feeling uneasy about this seemingly deserted place.  
"Hello? " He asked, inspecting the place, "Anybody?"

No one answered but the chilly night breeze.

He was just about to regard this as a cruel joke, when a moan from behind a pillar caught his attention.

"Hey! Who's there?" He approached the source of the sound tentatively, only to find a man lying on the ground, his chest soaking wet with blood which was gushing from a bullet hole next to his heart.

Castle's startled. Some time ago, he was jerked out of his home by a sudden call claiming to have sources for Beckett's mother's murder; now, he ended up with a strange dying man.

"Are…are you alright?" Castle felt like a fool, realizing the poor man's of course not alright. As a matter of fact, it didn't even take an expert to know he's not gonna make it. Life was slipping away from him.

"Hey, hey…stay with me. I'm gonna get help." In a frantic manner, Castle was to dial 911, when the man got hold of his free hand with strength from nowhere, preventing him from doing that.

"The… th…hidden…side….poc…pocket."

Castle's eyes settled on the dying man's face, reaching his hands to where the latter indicated and pulling out a key wrapped in a piece of paper.

"What's this?"

"Some….thing you…n…need to know…"

"It's you who called me earlier? Who… who did this to you? What's the key for?" Castle gabbled nervously, begging him to stay conscious a little longer.

The man coughed several times before opening his tightly closed eyes and nodding. "You cannot…find…him. H..he's too…powerful to….take down…"

"Hang on, please. Stay with me! Tell me what you know about that damned case!"

The man didn't give a rejoinder, closing his eyes slowly while murmuring something undistinguished.

In shock, Castle staggered and fell back onto the ground, staring at the key and breathing wearily. His forehead was covered in sweat. He couldn't imagine what drama just unfolded here earlier.

At 10:30 that morning, Beckett is sitting at her desk, staring at Castle's usual seat, when Ryan storms into the precinct with some files in hand. She hopes that he's brought some good news. The case's depressing. No witnesses, no clues. They've searched through the whole area, only to find nothing but some signs of struggle that indicate their victim didn't die a peaceful death. Earlier, as the squad was waiting impatiently for the results of the autopsy, it hit their mind that running through the missing people record was the only thing that could be done.

"Guess what?" Ryan asks with an I-think-we-get-lucky look.

"Found a match?" Beckett looks up to meet his hopeful eyes.

"Yeah." He flips through the pages and locates the record which he then hands to her. "Turns out our Doe's Marvin Williams. Reported missing 5 days ago by his wife Christina. "

"Good job, finally we have a lead." She takes a deep breath, relieved at the fact that she doesn't have to spend the whole morning feeling disappointed and confused about Castle's still not showing up at the precinct. "Ryan, bring her in."

About 40 minutes later, a mournful woman was escorted into the break room by a police officer. Detective Beckett observes her carefully from her desk for a while, before rising from her seat, fully prepared to do her usual job of comforting the shattered families.

The bereft woman stands up upon Beckett's entering. She seems to have been crying all the way to the bull pen, her eyes red and swollen from her irritating tears.

"Mrs. Williams. I'm detective Beckett… Very sorry for your loss." She says sincerely, shaking her hands which are sweating.

"Thank you, detective. I…I just cannot believe that…" Her words not finished resolve into a silent sob. She sinks back into the couch she occupied minutes ago, both hands cupping her watery eyes to recompose herself.

"I know it's gonna be hard for you, Mrs. Williams, but I need to ask you a few questions. You think you can handle that?"

"Sure. I…I'll try" She answers under her breath, dabbing her eyes with a piece of tissue.

"So…what does Marvin do for a living?"

"He is…_was_…" Her words are punctuated with her subconscious incessant sucking of air. "was…a journalist at _The Post._"

"Did he have any enemies? Anyone that wants to do him harm?"

"He was a good person. But…" She holds her tongue, seeming to painstakingly recollect something in her mind.

"But what? Mrs. Williams?"

"Marvin was always a…responsible and trustworthy journalist. You know what I mean? He…he wrote what he saw, and said what he wanted. I kinda…worried about him. It's…it's a valuable as well as dangerous quality for a journalist. So…he got enemies, maybe big cheeses. Once we found a threat letter stuck under the door, saying…Marvin's gonna pay. But…dunno who. No one can pinpoint those disgusting people. "

Beckett takes down "threat" on her pad along with "revenge?" "What stories did he work on when you last saw him?"

"He…didn't talk much about work and didn't want to give me…exceeding worries. But Marvin's indeed deviant recently."

"Deviant how?"

"In the last three months, he often came home late and weary. And he even didn't come back sometimes, saying it's about work." Mrs. Williams indulges herself in the memory for a little while, as if by doing that her husband would come back tonight and embrace her in a warm hug.

Beckett has seen that look on many faces before, of people who wake up to find their loved ones lost and gone forever. "Okay. Thank you for coming by, Mrs. Williams."

"Please. Call me Christina. And…you'll catch the guy, right? " She asks almost timidly, her eyes shining with tears again.

"We'll do our best, Christina."

* * *

**So, (timidly) what do you think? :)**


	4. Chapter 4 Witness or Killer

**Chapter Four Witness or Killer**

**Disclaimer: If I claimed to own Castle, I might end up in jail. No~~: P**

**Thank you for the alerts. They keep me going. But what about telling me what you think? Your opinions will help me improve. So, here's chapter 4. : )**

* * *

Castle wakes up to meet a ray of sunlight that shoots through curtains onto his bed. He must have drifted into a half-sleep last night, after having come back from that horrible scene and put up a fight against his disturbed thoughts. Now, it's already half to 1 in the afternoon. If Martha and Alexis were home instead of having a college trip, he could have long been shaken awake by those two lively souls. Feeling something in his hand, he raises his head up off his pillow to have a better look. A key wrapped in a rumpled piece of paper. So, it's not a dream. Damn it! He curses silently. What a mess he's got himself stuck in! He unfolds the paper cautiously, unveiling the small key under which is a corner torn from a newspaper page with printed "B03" on it.

That guy might have been discovered and very likely have become Lanie's customer by now. And if something that leads to Beckett's mother's case shows up, everything will be turned upside down. Investigating the case on his own sounds like a better idea. But he knows nothing right now. The man's name, job, address...Everything's a mystery, unless…he has a little assist.

He picks up his phone and dials a number.

"Hey. Esposito."

"Castle!" The man at the other end seems a little surprised. "Where the hell have you been, bro? You finally get tired of shadowing Beckett or just sick of feeding the birds?" He asks, never forgetting to tease him.

"Okay, neither. Actually, I've got an appointment."

"Appointment? Or date?" He chuckles.

"Whatever you call it." Laughing mischievously, Castle tries to sound indifferent and casual before finally arriving at what he really wants to talk about. "Have I missed something?"

"Not much, _detective_. We've got a vic shot dead at the underground parking not far from your place."

As he has assumed, the body indeed has been found. "Sorry to hear about that." He says, putting on an innocent air. "Who's that poor guy?" It makes him feel cheap, but what's the alternative?

"What? You wanna help with the case? A journalist of _The Post_ called Marvin Williams."

So it looks like NYPD has already checked out the vic's identity. That's a good start. "Journalist? Hmmm…half writer. Who wants to kill a writer?"

"Oh, think you know that better." He teases. "Seriously, bro, is everything okay?" Esposito pauses a few seconds, and Castle can picture him looking around to make sure Beckett is not within hearing. And then he goes on, "I mean…between you and Beckett."

Castle finds himself at a loss for words, but he cannot blame him for discerning the obvious difference in his attitudes towards Beckett. "Why? …We're good." Deep down inside, he wants to kick himself for making up such a terrible lie as that.

"Fine. If you insist on saying so." He shrugs and finishes the second half in his mind. _Why don't you call her then?_

"I…gonna go… someone's waiting."

"No dropping by today?"

"Maybe another day."

"Okay. See you then."

"Bye."

Esposito kills the line, feeling something weird. But not being able to name that, he lets it go, diverts his attention back to his computer screen and goes on looking through Marvin Williams' finances. In his periphery, he sees Beckett approach with a cup of coffee. It's lucky she wasn't here minutes ago.

"Yo, Beckett! Got something."

"Any leads?"

"Sort of. In each of the last three months, a sum of money adds to Marvin's bank account. I mean, no-small sums. Much higher than a reporter's salary."

"The last three months? That matches the time period of Marvin's bizarre behaviors. Something did happen… " She caresses her chin subliminally, brows drawn together, lost in thoughts. "You can check out the source of the money?"

"Sorry, cannot do."

She nods and turns around on her heels, when Esposito opens his mouth, "Beckett?"

"Anything else?"

"Eh… nothing. I'll keep you posted."

"Fine…I'm gonna talk with Lanie. Heard results of the autopsy were out."

"Hey, girl." Lanie greets her as she saw Beckett push open the door. "Oh, still no news from our writer boy?"

Beckett waves a hand in the air, "He's probably somewhere…with that blonde. I didn't bother to call…To business, what have you found?"

Lanie seems a little bit inhibited, "As I've said. COD is the shot. See, there's the muzzle burn." She points at the vic's chest, "Near shot to death. But, he did struggles a while before completely going cold. Apart from that, there're no other injuries. "

"That's all?" Beckett asks, disappointed at the small amount of information.

"Well, eh…" The medical examiner takes off her gloves and lets out a small sigh, "You know…you may want to pay Castle a visit."

"Lanie…I think we're over the topic."

"Not yet…Kate," She says with a pair of solemn eyes which are somewhat unique to one who deals with people that don't talk.

However, Beckett doesn't often see that look on her friend's face. "Lanie…what happened?"

"There're…fingerprints on the wallet that don't belong to our vic." She looks at Beckett who gives her a go-on-saying nod. "They're Castle's." She slurs as quickly as possible.

"What?" Beckett feels her jaw drop. After processing the info over and over again in her head, she finally finds her tongue, "So…Castle's the witness."

Lanie shoots her friend a sad smile. She hates to say that, but they both know what the other possibility is. The Killer.

* * *

**So...any thoughts?**


	5. Chapter 5 What the Hell

**Chapter Five What the Hell**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Castle, but no, merely own all the mistakes in my story.**

**Thank you for the reviews! They mean a lot. :D Dunno how far I can go with this story, but won't give up on it so long as my brain keeps producing some ideas. To those who read the story and may concern, sorry for the late update, been busy with my thesis, which though not as interesting as writing fan fics, have to be done. So, here's chapter 5. Hope it doesn't way too suck. I'm open to your suggestions. Thx! :)**

* * *

After calling Esposito, Castle feels better to have something to grab and look into. When he makes his way towards the reception of _The Post_, he cannot help noticing the woman behind the desk waving an I-know-you wave with high raised eyebrows.

"Hi. It _is_ you!" She is literally shouting, like a schoolgirl who has worked out a math problem, delirious of the hostile stares shot from other people in the hall. "The writer! Right? Richard Castle! It's quite an honor. I'm a big fan." She reaches out a hand.

Under usual circumstances, he will be hilarious to meet a fan. Female especially. And if he was with Beckett, he would even be willing to be taken a picture with, merely to see her roll that pair of beautiful and yet jealous eyes at him. But now, it's a different story. Nevertheless, he extends his hand and shakes hers with due sincere. "Yeah. That would be me." He grins.

"Saw your photo in the newspaper." She replies, "You are cuter in person."

"Guess 'cause I just had my hair uglily cut back then." He laughs hollowly, "Well, Miss…Could…you do me a favor?"  
"Sure. Anything you need. That'll be a pleasure."

"Thanks…eh…Do you have a Mr. Marvin Williams here?"

"We do. Mr. Williams' one of our best. But he's not usually here. Running after the news around the town. You know."

"Oh, that's a pity. Read some of his articles, and really like them. I happen to be doing some background info check on newsmen… for…another novel. He might be a good choice to begin with." Great, now he begins feeling proud of his ability to lie.

"Yeah, you bet. He's excellent. All good qualities for a newsman. Honesty, probity…but…you understand…that makes him an enemy of many. "

"Enemy of whom?" He pushes.

"Well…many of his articles debunk…problems. So, there're always people who are not very happy about this." She says matter-of-factly.

"He ever has any conflicts with co-workers here?"

"Why? Anything wrong?" Her shining eyes show a shade of concern.

"No, no…just asking. Wanna make every detail real. You see…his career, life, problems…"

"Get it. Details…writers' friends. Eh…there's one" She pauses for a while, as if to pick someone out of her memory, "Gary Cain... Williams' got everything a journalist can think of. Seems that Cain doesn't take it very well. Gives Williams a hard time."

"Okay, thank you very much, Miss…"

"Keats."

"Miss. Keats." He gives her a nod, "for the info. By the way, where can I find Mr. Cain?"

"He got fired…2 weeks ago. Not clear where he's hanging around now."

"You have his address?" He smiles, sensing this is the moment to radiate some charm.

"Think I can look it up in the computer if you wish." She meets his mischievous eyes where a gleam of wisdom is dancing.

"That'll be great, so long as it won't cause you any troubles."

"Won't. Just a second." She types in the name, looking through the records, "Here." She points at the screen and Castle leans in closer, writing down the address on his pad. "Thanks, Miss. Keats. Very helpful." He gives her a good-bye handshaking.

* * *

"His whereabouts?" Ryan asks, looking up from the files he's reading.

"No idea yet…I've dialed his phone like…10 times. Always turned to his voice mail. It's just not like him." She says, depressed and annoyed. "What the hell has that jackass got himself into?"

"You really don't think Castle has anything to do with the case, do you?" It's more of a statement than a question from Esposito. He hesitates at the idea of telling Beckett about his previous talk with Castle. "You've called Martha and Alexis?"

"No, they were off to a college trip. If something dose have happened to Castle, I don't wanna them to get worried without any solid evidence."

"Point taken. Well…" Ryan walks around her desk, "Maybe it's time to pay a visit to our writer boy."

"Yo…Beckett…" Esposito speaks up, "I have something to tell you."

* * *

Castle stands anxiously outside the door, waiting for someone to answer his knocks. "Hello? Mr. Gary Cain?" He knocks again, only to find by chance that the door's not locked. He pushes it open and steps into the apartment. Located on the second floor, this apartment is small and somewhat stifling, maybe because of the messy state it's in: clothes are tossed everywhere; empty beer bottles lie around; dishes stink in the sink. Is this really where a man lives? Cautiously, Castle makes his way around, when, out of the blue, he feels a thud on the back of his head. The next minute, he has already been on the floor, feeling the ceiling rotating. "What the hell?" Before taking in the whole situation, Castle, out of instinct, struggles with great pain to find his feet, and then he sees his sinewy attacker, Gary Cain, who has just smashed his weapon bottle to use a sharp piece of glass as a knife. He looks unnecessarily stronger and angrier as a newsman. "Hey! Stop there! Are you insane?" Castle yells at him, panicked and yet undaunted.

"You bastard!" Cain snaps, leaving no room for Castle to claim his intention. "_I knew_! You people wouldn't let me go so easily. _Never_!" Castle watches his face turn red with rage, as he tries to shield himself from the man by griping both of his forearms. He's doing well, but the man's better. The moment the sharp point bites its way down the back of Castle's right hand, he knows he's losing his battle with weariness and anguish. Cain pushes Castle backwards until the latter's shoulders are flat against a wall, one hand pinning his bleeding head tightly against the hard surface while the other stabs the splinter into his left side. Blood soaks his shirt immediately, a deliberately muffled cream following. Castle's lifeless form slips down to the floor, engulfed by the impenetrable darkness slowly descending. Why on earth cannot he see anything but…Kate Beckett? When he thinks he's gonna lose consciousness, he hears people storming into the apartment with shouts of "NYPD" and his name.

* * *

**(Playing about with my fingers) What do you think?**


	6. Chapter 6 A Vicarious Pain

**Chapter Six A Vicarious Pain**

**Disclaimer: don't own Castle.**

**Thx for the reviews. :D Thank you Alison M. DOBELL, for the correction. You were right. Actually, I meant nerveless. Horrible mistake, sorry! :)**

**So, here's the new chapter. Looking forward to watching the new ep tomorrow! :P**

* * *

Castle feels himself is falling, falling from somewhere unbelievably high. His limbs seem to be floating on the water surface, but the torrent of air rushing past him because of the high speed of the fall abrades his skin in an indescribably uncomfortable way and sets his torso on fire. It burns like hell.

"Castle!" A woman's voice.

"C'mon bro!" A man's voice.

"Rick, please… Can you hear...stay with me…" The same female voice uttered in a near roar but punctuated by sobs.

"Ma'am, you have to let us do our job."

"No, let me _stay_. _Please_."

"Beckett, they're trying to save him!"

Undistinguished voices hover above his face like annoying helicopters. He cannot figure out any one of them. Why is everything so loud and unbearable? And why on earth does he feel burnt in pain while feeling like drifting on water? What has he done to deserve this?

"Let's get him on the gurney. Ready? One, two, three, lift."

"You wanna come along, Ma'am?"

"Espo, Ryan…"

"We'll take care of the scene, you go. Catch you up later. _Go!_"

* * *

"Pulse?"

"Weak. Breathing's slowing. Blood pressure's dropping. 60 over 40."

"Get the mask and bag!"

"Listen, Rick, don't you dare die…_Don't you dare!_" Kate sits in the back of the ambulance, putting her hand on his good one and curling her slim fingers around his, her heart throbbing with anxiety and fear: fear that she'll never be able to have a real talk with him before he's gone; fear that she'll never have the chance to tell him how she really feels; fear that she'll never make the long due confession that she remembered everything; fear that the rest of her life will be without him who is the only joy that makes her pain assuaged. Tears trickle down her cheeks, forming a small river.

Castle begins to get nervous and above all afraid. He goes on falling, but feeling cold instead of heat now. The confusing voices are still moving frantically around him, without relieving in the least his pain. And then he feels some comforting warmth on his left hand, and his nostrils are immediately filled with a familiar lavender scent. Kate?

"B.P.'s still dropping!"

A long steady beep fills the small space.

"No breathing, no pulse. We're losing him."

"_No, no_! Cannot be. _Please._" Kate's grip on his hand grows tighter, as if her own life depends merely on this act, her hands stained crimson by the liquid flowing from his side.

"He's lost too much blood. Put more pressure on the wounds."

"Patch on him." A paramedic cuts Castle's shirt open. "Still charging."

"Everybody clear."

"Anything?"

"No, he's dragging."

"Do it again."

"Charged. All clear."

"Any sign?"

* * *

Kate is sitting in the waiting room, alone. Not that she is the only one in this room, but she has no one familiar to turn to in her current state—covered in his blood and her own tears. She feels lonely and for a moment she realizes that is nearly what Castle has been through almost 8 months when she was shot. She stares at a spot on the alabaster wall, thinking of the period when she recovered from the trauma but shut him out. It feels like his voice, his words are still lingering in the air she's now breathing. "I watched you die in that ambulance. Did you know that? You know what that's like, watching the life drain out of someone you…someone you care about?" She knows what that feels now…feels like she is dying too but stuck in the painful reality that she's actually not, which hurts all the more.

"Beckett. Is he alright?" Ryan, Esposito and Lanie run over, sweating and panting.

"Still in the surgery…His condition's…not good." She runs her hand through her hair in frustration. Esposito sits down in the plastic chair next to Beckett, putting his hand on her slightly shuddering shoulder and beginning rubbing it softly. "Martha and Alexis know about this?"

"Yeah, I've…called. They're flying back…I…I just don't know how to face them…"

"Hey," Ryan steps closer and kneels down in front of her, "He'll be fine… I _know_ that."

"Girl, he stayed strong…for you." Lanie's heartbroken at the sight of her best friend torn, "Now, you're gonna be strong too. Okay? An annoying guy like him cannot die so easily."

Beckett nods slowly and buries her face into her palms, regardless of her tears liquefying the dried blood on her hand.

"Families for Richard Castle?" A doctor comes out of the operation room.

"Yes?" All four rise in unison, and scuttle towards the owner of the voice.

"Is…is he okay?" Kate stammers, observing the doctor's reaction cautiously.

"He's alive." The doctor says wearily, taking off his mask and gloves.

She knows there's always a "but" in a situation like this. And then it follows, as predicted.

"But he's comatose. Still in a critical condition. Blood loss. He needs to be under supervision in the ICU for a few days. And…" The doctor trails off.

"And…what?"

"I understand it's hard for you, but…we're not sure yet when or…whether he can come to."

"_What?_" Consternation settles upon the group, making their mouths drop open.

"How can it be? He's made it, hasn't he? How can you tell me he's probably stuck in the bed for the rest of his life?" Kate becomes agitated, raising her voice instinctively.

"Calm down, Ma'am. Yes, he's made it…at present, I mean. You know, he's lost a lot of blood and experienced a cardiac arrest on the way here, and another one during the surgery. We've done our best to make his heat beat again. I just wanna let you know all the possibilities."

"There're _no _other possibilities than to_ live_!"

"Beckett," Espo gets hold of her left arm with one hand, trying to pacify her, and reaches out the other to shake hands with the doctor, "Thank you, Dr…"

"Anderson."

"Thank you." Ryan and Lanie echo.

"When can we see him?" Lanie asks for the sake of her friend who is just too overwhelmed to talk now.

"You'll be able to see him in an hour or so. Miss. Lynch at the nurse station will lead you to Mr. Castle's room. But one visitor at a time. He's still groggy. Needs his rest. I'll check on him sometime later tonight and further fills you in on his conditions."

* * *

**Any thoughts? :)**


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